That Alone Time is Needed

As I’m going on this journey called Life, I’m paying more attention to myself. How I react to situations, how I speak to individuals and how I listen to individuals. I think taking the time to really understand yourself is key to living life to the fullest.

I notice that when I’m around a group of people, after a while I get quiet. I’m no longer interested in what’s going on and I tend to separate myself from the group. Literally, I will disappear and walk away for a few minutes to be alone, to recharge. I did that to a group of my friends when we traveled overseas, heck I do that to my husband at times.  From the outside it may seem like something is wrong…maybe something was said that I didn’t agree with and I just walked off…but that’s not the case. Not at all.

I just feel tired sometimes, my mind is cloudy and I feel like all my energy is being sucked out of me. I notice that this feeling comes often when I’m hanging out with friends and family consecutively.

For example, the overseas trip with some of my closest friends and my husband, I absolutely love being around them. There’s nothing but laughter and smiles, jokes, reminiscing and just an all around good time when I am hanging out with them. We had a lot of scheduled events for this trip so our morning would be rushed, our day would be busy and our nights would be full of drinking and games. Early start to the days and late endings to the nights. Well, on some days, I just found myself feeling disconnected from everything and everyone, and I would have the desire to just walk away and sit down, alone, to enjoy the moment or something. Of course, naturally, my friends and especially my husband, who’s so attentive to me (he is truly the best), kept thinking something was wrong and then of course when asked, I’m like “nothing’s wrong, I just need to be alone”. LOL…if I was in their shoes, I would def be like “No bitch…something’s wrong with you…we’re in this gorgeous country and all of a sudden you’re acting funny.” So I can only imagine the thoughts that were going through their heads.

Anywho, I realize I do this often and I really didn’t understand whyyyyyy. And when I don’t understand something about myself it annoys me to the fullest extent. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I being so emo right now? I’m an so emotional…my emotions are jacked up.

Back to the trip…Finally one day I got up super early and just spent the morning walking around by myself. I watched the sun rise, I sat down and I just took in the moment. I got thoughts out of the way, stretched, observed my surroundings, greeted and was greeted by the locals of the area and I just felt so calm and connected with the world. Walking back to the hotel I just felt good and I was mentally ready to take on the day. And I had a great day.

Coming home, I notice that I still get that way whether it’s at work or at home and so I push myself to make alone time specifically for me. No husband, no cat (lol…sorry Coda) no phone (Social media is draining too) nothing can be there that distracts my mind and my energy.  I simply and literally have alone time. Me time. Ay Ay Time. I need to breathe. Because honestly, feeling drained will lead to me being cranky and short tempered, and that’s not fair for the people around me.

I can only speak for myself, but I am sure there are people out there that understand what this feels like. It truly is a matter of personal space and there’s nothing wrong with spending time by yourself if you feel you need to re-energize to get the day or night started.

Ay Ay ❤

 

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There’s Someone That Can Relate!

 

It started off as a normal day. We finally had time to spend with each other, a rare day off. So we decided to drive around town, get something to eat, shop for new cameras and hit up Guitar Center to window shop some new gear, and we decided to vlog our day becuase…why not? This was rare.

As I’m sitting in passenger’s seat, I turn to discard my empty coffee cup. No, I didn’t just toss it in the back seat. My husband strategically placed a small trash bin behind the driver’s seat for such situations.

Upon the discard I see something…something that took my breath away. A white bag…with red words and a red logo…

A crumpled Chic-Fil-A bag.

The AUDACITY of my sweet and loving husband.

He committed the ultimate crime, and he just so happened to get it all on camera.

Ay Ay

 

This Song Right Here!

Looking for new music for the new year? Well, I was just introduced to this song performed by artist ACE TEE. The song is called “Bist du down” and it (the vibe of the song) just embodies the wonderful jams and feel of 90’s R&B and Soul.

I watched this video, which you can find on youtube, about 5 times, and while I was too busy jamming to the music and taking in all the visuals, I didn’t even notice that she wasn’t speaking English…or French. Upon straining my ears to try and recognize what language she is singing in, I realize it’s German! GO AHEAD GERMANY! I know I could have easily looked up what language she speaks…but I didn’t want to. And no, the title didn’t give it away either…I didn’t know if that was slang or what.

Anywho, check her out! If you’re down with the 90’s vibes, I’m pretty sure you’ll love this jam.

Ay Ay

End Of Year Goals

On February of this year, I dove head first into an opportunity to record an audiobook for an awesome author who’s based out of Arizona. I enjoyed reading the book and was so excited to have been chosen to record it. Now, with all this excitement I was feeling, I quickly realized how much work, time and effort goes into recording dialogue. Editing out clicks and pops, making sure each track/chapter has balanced volume, and making sure your character’s voice is consistent. Oh, and did I forget to mention how difficult it actually is to read out loud? To yourself? LOL. The first 2 chapters I felt so awkward. Trying to relay emotions and put myself into this characters’ world was pretty hard but after a few chapters I started to get the hang of it.

Now, this book has 20 chapters…that is a long time in the world of full time job. Seeing as I don’t have a soundproof room (yet) I can’t just record at any hour of the day. I didn’t realize how thin these apartment walls were until I plugged my microphone in, put my headphones on and heard EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE in the complex. With dedication must come sacrifice…and what I sacrificed was my precious sleep lol. I had to either get up super early to record before I headed off to work or wait until late at night to break out the microphone. This has all been a learning lesson and I will admit, there were times where I enjoyed recording but then there were times I almost regretted the decision to record, because this is such a huge commitment and sometimes I felt I couldn’t keep that commitment. I not only made a commitment to myself but I also made one to the author, so I needed to get the job done. I have a name I’m trying to build and me quitting on the very first project I finally landed will only tarnish my name.

I’m happy to say that out of the 20 chapters, I have 19 finished and uploaded! *Does the tootsie roll*.

With the dead season here (talking about my full time), there should be no reason why I shouldn’t have this book completed by the new year. It has literally taken me a year to record this book, but it’s all about timing with me. I need to be in the right headspace to record and not only that, I take the time to perfect my recordings. I can’t just record and upload…if I don’t like what I play back, I delete and start over.

I’m pretty excited to see what’s next to come after this audiobook is released. Will her die hard fans like the audio version of her book? Will they like how I embodied the main character? Or will they tear me to shreds?? We shall see.

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Ay Ay ❤

We’ve All Had This Moment!

No wonder I can never get ready on time. I’m constantly distracted!

I know we’ve all had these days before, you know, when you’re either on someone else’s time or you have to be ready to leave by a certain time but the music simply takes over.

I hope you enjoy!!

Ay Ay ❤

When You Feel Lost, But Your Sense Of Direction Is On Point.

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Today is December 1st!

Can’t believe that the new year is approaching. A new year normally comes with new passions and commitments which fall into that category of the “New Years Resolutions” but that’s not how I feel. I refuse to have a new years resolution. Actually, I’ve decided on a Lifestyle change.

In my previous post, I mentioned how I was resigning from my full time…which I did. I’ve never experienced a process like that. It was interesting. Having co-workers praise me (most were so shocked…they didn’t see it coming) and having supervisors and upper management express how they were sad to see me go, how they could negotiate my pay and how this company is the biggest company in the industry. None of that mattered to me though (well, I was happy that they were sad to see me go and that they wanted me to stay. It made me feel somewhat important and wanted). I just want more, and by wanting more just meant that I needed to start on my new path.

New Path = New Life…in my eyes.

November 12th was my last day with them and since then I have picked up some freelance gigs which have been great so far. Such a different world and mentality. It’s more…real…if that makes sense. Like, it’s all about grinding, something that I haven’t had to do with a full time job. But I really like it so far because it keeps me on my toes and always looking for opportunities.

But I quickly realized how scary it can be aswell. For instance, yes, I have been working here and there, picking up gigs, but when the holiday came, everything stopped. I mean EVERYTHING came to a halt. No calls, no gigs, no shifts available. I was taken aback a bit and actually started stressing out a bit. I  mean I was off for days straight, and I think I was stressed out because I just wasn’t used to being off like that. I had to really tell myself that ‘it’s the slow season right now’. Work slows down for everyone in this industry when the end of November and December hit so stop worrying. And it was true, even when I was a full time employee, when Thanksgiving hit and then December came, there was no work. Actually that’s the time that vacations were encouraged. Had I not stopped myself from worrying, I would have felt like I failed myself and that maybe I made a mistake in taking this path. Nope, we can’t have that. I live Life with no regrets.

There were some days when I felt lost and some days where I used my off time to really research this industry to see what all I needed to start to work on with myself. What I needed more training in and what tools I needed to have in my inventory. I started researching where the work was and researching all the different types of gigs I qualified for. Sitting down and really mapping out  a path for myself made me feel empowered, because I was in charge of where my career goes. No one else had the power to hold me back.

Tomorrow I work my first gig with a company that has a great reputation, especially in the convention and live music industry. And, according to other freelancers, is a hard company to get hired by, so I’m not going to mess this up. I’m pretty excited and this will officially be the first few steps taken on my New Path.

❤ AyAy

 

A New Start, A New Beginning.

For a while now I’ve been contemplating stepping away from my full time job to freelance full time. So many thoughts from that point on have crossed my mind. Like, “What about finances?” “What about stability?” “What about during the slow months?”

I’m so tired of thinking about the negative “What ifs”. That’s held me back for months now. I don’t feel challenged at my job anymore. I don’t see myself still working here in the future either. Actually, I’m very much over this job, because it’s not taking me down the path I want my career to go. I want to be an audio engineer for huge, complex shows. Concerts. Festivals. I want to learn the technical aspects of a show that’s beyond what I currently do now, and I know I won’t learn this if I stay where I’m at. All of my opportunities for these are passing me by as I go about my daily routine at my full time.

I’ve talked and worked with so many freelancers in the area and I just know I can do what they do, and for some, do an even better job. I want to be paid a full rate for my services, not have to worry about corporate bs and policies. I want control of my days, when I can take off and when I can plan trips. And I truly believe I am ready. I know I am. But this is new for me too. I only slightly know what to expect. I’ll have to work from the bottom to the top to make a name for myself amongst all the other techs that have been doing this for years.

I truly am grateful that my Husband supports my decision because it’s pretty scary stepping into the unknown…but I’m ready for the challenge. I’ve never felt so ready and I’m finally going to follow my intuition and not be afraid of change.

Tomorrow I will be telling my supervisor that I am resigning.

I know God has me.

Here’s to a new beginning ❤

Ay Ay