As I’m going on this journey called Life, I’m paying more attention to myself. How I react to situations, how I speak to individuals and how I listen to individuals. I think taking the time to really understand yourself is key to living life to the fullest.
I notice that when I’m around a group of people, after a while I get quiet. I’m no longer interested in what’s going on and I tend to separate myself from the group. Literally, I will disappear and walk away for a few minutes to be alone, to recharge. I did that to a group of my friends when we traveled overseas, heck I do that to my husband at times. From the outside it may seem like something is wrong…maybe something was said that I didn’t agree with and I just walked off…but that’s not the case. Not at all.
I just feel tired sometimes, my mind is cloudy and I feel like all my energy is being sucked out of me. I notice that this feeling comes often when I’m hanging out with friends and family consecutively.
For example, the overseas trip with some of my closest friends and my husband, I absolutely love being around them. There’s nothing but laughter and smiles, jokes, reminiscing and just an all around good time when I am hanging out with them. We had a lot of scheduled events for this trip so our morning would be rushed, our day would be busy and our nights would be full of drinking and games. Early start to the days and late endings to the nights. Well, on some days, I just found myself feeling disconnected from everything and everyone, and I would have the desire to just walk away and sit down, alone, to enjoy the moment or something. Of course, naturally, my friends and especially my husband, who’s so attentive to me (he is truly the best), kept thinking something was wrong and then of course when asked, I’m like “nothing’s wrong, I just need to be alone”. LOL…if I was in their shoes, I would def be like “No bitch…something’s wrong with you…we’re in this gorgeous country and all of a sudden you’re acting funny.” So I can only imagine the thoughts that were going through their heads.
Anywho, I realize I do this often and I really didn’t understand whyyyyyy. And when I don’t understand something about myself it annoys me to the fullest extent. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I being so emo right now? I’m an so emotional…my emotions are jacked up.
Back to the trip…Finally one day I got up super early and just spent the morning walking around by myself. I watched the sun rise, I sat down and I just took in the moment. I got thoughts out of the way, stretched, observed my surroundings, greeted and was greeted by the locals of the area and I just felt so calm and connected with the world. Walking back to the hotel I just felt good and I was mentally ready to take on the day. And I had a great day.
Coming home, I notice that I still get that way whether it’s at work or at home and so I push myself to make alone time specifically for me. No husband, no cat (lol…sorry Coda) no phone (Social media is draining too) nothing can be there that distracts my mind and my energy. I simply and literally have alone time. Me time. Ay Ay Time. I need to breathe. Because honestly, feeling drained will lead to me being cranky and short tempered, and that’s not fair for the people around me.
I can only speak for myself, but I am sure there are people out there that understand what this feels like. It truly is a matter of personal space and there’s nothing wrong with spending time by yourself if you feel you need to re-energize to get the day or night started.
Ay Ay ❤